I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
