Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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