Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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