Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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