6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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