That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
