there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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