the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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