Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize