This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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