apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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