is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
