I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
