So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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