wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
