I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
