Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
