I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
