the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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