Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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