By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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