as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
