Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
