Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
