she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize