Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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