then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
