She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
