just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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