You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
