Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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