Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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