i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
