Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
