so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
