6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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