Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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