I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
