i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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