you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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