It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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