dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
