I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
