After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
