I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
