What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am naked and annoyed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
