it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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