How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
