His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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