I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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