I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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