i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
