I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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