What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
