My underwear smells like fireworks.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
