my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
