a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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