My hand turned me down
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
A+ Viking dick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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