What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This house was built for laser tag.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
