Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
