it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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