so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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