I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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