One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
