ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i think my mom watched the whole time
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
