Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
