I love black thongs
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
