yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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