4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
