I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
