They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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