Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
