I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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