Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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