Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
