please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Your topless pictures make me question reality
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
